So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
