I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
