I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
