since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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