i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
