she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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