I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
