well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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