Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
