Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
