shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
