matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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