I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
