dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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