when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
