You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
