You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
