Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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