i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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