so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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