I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
