Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
