I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
