Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Jerry, you need to find god
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
