you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize