I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This toilet bowl is my home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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