Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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