This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just high enough for therapy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
