Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can text with my tongue
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
