i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
zippers are such a cool invention
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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