I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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