Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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