5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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