can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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