shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
