Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
