I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
