My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He shit in the fireplace
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize