umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
