No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad