I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night