Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.