So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
