Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often