someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it