There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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