no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
