MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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