You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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