Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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