It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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