I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
