my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
