I wish I could punch you in the face.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
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I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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