Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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