It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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