hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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