We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The uberlube is also flammable
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
