i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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