The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
