i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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