Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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