oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
