Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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