So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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