i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
