Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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