just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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