You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
