You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
