I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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