I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
