moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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