grandma shit on top of the toilet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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