its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
