marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Enjoy the penises
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
