i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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