i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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