I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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