I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
