I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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